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Changing Schools – Again!

One of my favorite persons that I’ve met since coming back to Utah has got to be Les Hamilton.  We were in the same ward for a few months before a split, and have only talked a dozen or so times.   But every time I talk to him I like him even more than before.  He happens to be the AD at Summit Academy High School.

Good To Know

A few weeks ago I wrote about how we had gotten the kids all ready for school.  Well, last week Les shared a post on Facebook that Summit Academy High School was still accepting applications.   I had known that Summit was the closest school to my parents house, but I thought there was no way we could afford it.

When Les shared his post, I contacted him and told him I would like to consider it but that I was worried about cost since I’m a disabled vet who just lost everything.

Turns out I’m an idiot (no shock to the rest of you, I know).   Summit isn’t a private school…  it is a charter school.   No tuition!!  There is no reason my kids couldn’t attend.

Changing Again!

So I got online ASAP and put in applications for all of my kiddos.  They had room for all of them but Andrew, the one going into kindergarten.  They were reasonable enough to tell me that if I registered the others that they would “make room” for him.

So now the kids are all changing schools again.   It’s been a pain in the “lower torso” to take care of the withdrawals, fees, new schedules, and uniforms.   But I think the change will be a good one.   My kids are now attending Summit Academy schools in Bluffdale.

First Day

And this morning, despite the headaches and current life turmoil, we were able to successfully get the children off to school.  I think they were all even wearing clean clothes!

Nikki was nervous about the new school.  She really thrived at Central Elementary in PG.  She’s a bright little girl and I’m sure she’ll thrive here too.   Josh wasn’t interested in classes but more excited about Cross Country and Volleyball that both start after school today.

Caitlin just wants to find people she knows.  Kris and Charlee and excited to find friends too.  They all are looking forward to a great school year!

And so are we!!

Funny side note.   I called and withdrew the kids from the public schools.  The people who answered were all nice and polite and said it was no problem.

They all said they needed to note where the kids would be attending.  When I told them Summit, they ALL became much less polite, and borderline rude.   One of them asked the new school, and when I replied with “Summit Academy” I got back, “Summit?!  OK, got it” and she hung up on me.

I know there is political tension between public school advocates and advocates of other options.  But this was my first taste of it on a personal level.  I was a bit surprised at first.

I understand that public schools don’t want to lose the money that comes with each kid, but apparently they don’t understand that they are also losing the COST of the kid and the needed effort/energy to care for him/her.   But since they (and almost everyone else) focus on money…

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Update After My Hiatus

I’ve been on a hiatus and think I should give an update on life.  With nothing really going on I just haven’t found anything to write about.   Of course things have happened, but they all seem so small and insignificant at the time that they don’t seem worth mentioning.  It is only in the accumulation of seemingly insignificant changes that the scope of the change becomes apparent.

HOUSE PROJECT UPDATE

Things aren’t moving as quickly as I’d like, but they are moving about as quickly as they could possibly move.  We finished the wiring/plumbing/etc last week; HVAC was installed last week, and the sheetrock was hung this week.  The sheetrock mudders will be in on Monday.   By the end of the week we should be able to paint.

While the sheetrock was going up this week we were working on the deck that is going out the south side of the great room (going to have to stop calling it that because now it is a collection of small rooms that are no greater than any other rooms).   We have the supports up and joists up.  We don’t have any decking or railing on yet.  That might happen this week while the mudders have us out of the place again this week.

As soon as we can get back in we will paint just as quickly as possible and then get to finishing the bathroom and working on flooring.

I will try to get some video edited of what the space looks like out to you soon!

MISSOURI/FINANCES UPDATE

We have accepted (grudgingly) that we won’t be moving back to MO anytime soon.  This is sad.  We don’t want to lose the property though just in case we ever do find a way to get back there.

Even though we are way under water on the mortgage for a house that no longer exists, we have still been making the payments.   I’ve tried reaching the bank to see if we can work something out but they refuse to speak to me.  If nothing else I’d like to get approval to lower my payments since there is no insurance on the property (why would there be?) and the taxes are going to be MUCH lower now with no home.

We have sold our cattle.  They have been at a neighbors house since the fire and he took care of them over the winter.  I had him haul them to auction this week and should get a check for them soon.  That will help out a lot of things!

We haven’t decided how/when we are going to collect the rest of our things.  I think it is feasible to have everything loaded into my storage unit and then ship the entire thing here to Utah, but I don’t have a good way of getting it all loaded.  I could ask friends/neighbors to do it for me, but that seems like a big ask.   Maybe my Dad goes back and does it with help.  May I have to do it?  Still undecided.

FAMILY UPDATE

Everyone is fine.  Caitlin (15) and Joshua (13) had birthdays.  Everyone is healthy and enjoying the summer.  They’d like to not be working at my parents so much, but it hasn’t been bad.  With frequent (near daily) trips to the pool or the new splash pad in Bluffdale they are all getting out a lot.  They’ve done some hiking and sports too.

I think everyone is apprehensive about the move.  We know my parents place won’t be done.  We only have 2 weeks from today, so I don’t even know what state of cleanliness it will be in.   But school is starting, so we will move in regardless and make the best of it.   Maybe with school starting it will help make things easier for Julie and I to get things into a more livable condition.

VA/MENTAL HEALTH UPDATE

I’m surviving.  I’m still going to all my regular appointments (several a week) and getting by.

I have started and completed the beginners portion of Canines with a Cause.  I still don’t have my own dog but have been working with their dogs.  The first part of the intermediate class that begins in a few weeks will be looking for my own dog.  The timing is working out fine since I couldn’t have my own here at the Penrod’s, but can have one as soon as we move.   This will go a LONG way to helping my anxiety and will hopefully be beneficial in dealing with nightmares too.

Julie is still crazy!

EXERCISE/HEALTH UPDATE

You haven’t seen any running logs since the pool opened because we stopped running.  We have instead been swimming.  I have the kids do laps each time we show up to keep them doing some cardio, then they are free to go play (which rarely includes actual swimming).

My exercise has been fine, but hasn’t resulted in any weight loss.  I think it has trimmed up my waist a little bit (several people have mentioned it), but my actual weight hasn’t gone down.  Perhaps with time.

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My Scout Camp

I went to scout camp on June 12-17.  We went to camp Tifi up next to Mt. Pleasant. The camp was up in the mountains so at certain places you had a very good view of everything. There were ten boys and a couple leaders. The boys that went with me are Dallin, Caleb, TJ, Jaeden, Charles, Liam, Clint, Sam, Braiden, and me.

Monday

Monday was our first day and we spent the first half of the day taking a tour of the camp.  Our camp assistant was Ben Barlow, but because we were all twelve (and slightly immature) we all called him Barley. In our tour we saw all the different camp sites, all the places the different merit badges took place, the pool, the trading post (this is where you bought stuff at), the mess hall, the zip lines, and basically everything there. Afterwards, we went and set up our tent at the camp site and decide who would sleep where.

After we had camp all set up we went to lunch at the mess hall. The main course was pizza but it was very pasty and gross. Thankfully there was much more to eat. It was basically a very large buffet. You could have as much cereal or salad as you wanted. There was cake and pie and lots of juices. They had chips, soups, and sandwiches. We all probably ate our weight in cereal and everything else that week. So meals were some of the best times we had at scout camp because we are boys.

Merit badges

 

After lunch we went to do our separate merit badges. I did survivor with Caleb and Liam on Monday and Tuesday. The survivor track contained the merit badges, Pioneering, Indian Lore, and Wilderness Survival. We only got the Wilderness Survival badge signed off because the Indian Lore cost thirty dollars and the Pioneering teachers didn’t like our knots. For the Wilderness Survivor badge  we had to do some fire starting. We had to start them with flint and steel, nine volt battery, and a magnifying glass. Then we had to show the leader our seventy-two hour kits. Then he signed of our badge.

Tuesday

 

On Tuesday we had to go down to the lower field to do a flag ceremony. After the flags were posted the commissioner introduced  us to the spirit stick. Every flag ceremony he would give the spirit stick to one troop who could take back to camp and put an item on it to decorate it. Then the next morning at our flag ceremony he would give the stick to someone else. The method our commissioner used to  chose which troop to give the stick to is having each of the troops do cheers. The troop that was the best got to take the stick for that day. We never won the cheering contest.

So after breakfast we all went to our merit badges where we finished them and got them signed off by the teacher. Then we had a time called troop time. During troop time your troop got to sit at camp and do whatever. So usually my troop either played mafia or wrestled in the dirt for fun. But every time we would sit around the smoldering fire and watch it.  Occasionally someone would spray it with bug spray, which was fairly dangerous, but thankfully no one started on fire. We also had a time called open program. In that time you could go to your merit badges to finish them, go to the shooting ranges, sit at camp, go to the trading post, and mostly everything you could do there.

 

Wednesday- Thursday

 

On Wednesday we all changed merit badges. Now almost all of our troop was doing the waterlogged track. It contained Swimming and Lifesaving. Everybody who did the track got both of the merit badges. Wednesday they taught us all the strokes. We had to do the sidestroke, freestyle, backstroke, elementary backstroke, and breath stroke.

There were seventy kids so they split us into three groups and taught us in rotations. One spot taught strokes, one taught lifesaving, and at the last one you had to dolphin dive nine feet, grab a brick, and bring it back up. After the merit badge time ended and free time started none of us went anywhere because were so worn out. So we all sat around the fire with a can of Axe and bug spray until dinner.

On Thursday we had to swim 550 yards doing all of the strokes. They had us do 150 before lunch and then the other 400 after. While you were swimming if you stopped for more than five seconds then you had to start over. After we finally finished the swimming and the lifeguards signed off our merit badges, my troop was dead. We went back to camp and sat and talked for a while until we got up the energy to go sit at the trading post.  Then dinner rolled around and we sat up there for a hour or two. We went back to camp started a fire and played games in the woods until about 10 o’clock. Then we had reflections of the day and went to bed.

 

Friday

 

On Friday we didn’t have any merit badges to do because it was the game day at camp. After lunch we went to the COPE and did the rope course and the zip lines. You had to be a certain height for the rope course so only three of us did it because the rest of the troop is short. But the short guys could still do the zip lines. On the rope course you were up forty-five feet and had to walk on small ropes to get to the other pole that you could stand on. You had two carabineers to catch you if you slipped but it was still really freaky. The whole thing was scary except the zip lines but that is what made it so much fun.

After the zip lines we all went to the shooting range for about two hours. We did the rifle and the archery. On the rifle we all did pretty good. Our leader hit the center on about every shot every time he shot. On archery we all shot we about the same. We couldn’t get the bullseye, but we did miss the target plenty.   But we all got a few on the target. After we finished that we went to Swords of Helaman.

 

Games

 

We had to go the middle of the field and get these foam swords. We were split into teams and then we were told to kill each other. If someone’s sword hit you anywhere you were dead. That was a blast.  My troop was on the same team so we stayed in a pack and slowly moved around the field to kill once all the teams had spread out. We killed many men that day.

That all ended after a good hour and we all went to lunch. Then we were able to watch the boat race which was pretty cool. Then we did the Swords of Helaman when it started again. It was just like the last one. We went back up to the shooting range once that ended and had fun up there. Then we had dinner and went to the camp Campfire.

 

Campfire

 

 

We all watched the skits that were preformed and laughed and talked. We had a skit but it didn’t win the competition to get into the Campfire. Then the staff members had a slideshow of pictures of everything that went on that week. After they finished the commissioners came and had the spirit sticks to show us. They talked about the enthusiasm that was with all the cheers and how much fun they had. Then they said they would give the spirit stick to the troop that had the best cheers and enthusiasm on everything throughout the week even though they had never won the cheer contest. After they finished building tension they announced that our troop got to keep the spirit stick. We had been sad during the week that we never won,  but this changed it all.

 

Leaving Camp

 

 

Then they sent us back to camp with a final goodbye. We sat around the fire and talked about all the fun things that had happened at camp. After about an hour of that we decided to go to our tents because we had to wake up early to take down camp. My tent stayed awake for another hour talking about all the people and all the fun things we did.

When we woke up the next morning we took down camp and left for home. On the drive we all slept until we got to PG. Now every time we see each other at church or for our Wednesday meetings you can always hear something that happened at camp come up in our conversations.  We all enjoyed it and we wish we never had to leave.

 

 

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Mental Health Crisis

While I had an absolute blast on Saturday at the Elders Quorum social shootout, it wasn’t all roses and might have started me on the path toward a mental health crisis.

Dealing with Mental Health Issues

While I have several firearms, and feel like I am quite proficient in their use, I don’t actually use them all that often. Last weekend was the first time in 2017.  I think I only had them out once in all of 2016.

I’ve even stopped carrying my sidearm.  I still have my carry permit, fully support carrying, and think it is largely a smart thing to do.  But while I think having one is a good idea for most people, unfortunately I think it might be more dangerous for myself to have one.  Maybe as my treatments at the VA continue this will improve.

I was slightly nervous about the shootout on Saturday, but mostly that was nervousness about other people’s safe handling of the weapons.  And everything at the event was fine.  I felt good.  But later, after returning home, I started not doing so well.

Mental Health Crisis

I don’t know even if it is directly relatable to the shootout.   I was slightly depressed all afternoon afterwards though.  And when I get depressed I want to snack as a way to distract myself.  About 10pm I headed to the store to pick up a bag of chips.  I had the windows down as I drove to feel the cool night air.

There is a Maverick gas station on the corner of  state street and 300 East in Pleasant Grove.  As I went through that intersection a man I didn’t see yelled to someone else, “Hey, will you…(something). ”   I can’t identify why, probably the inflection in his voice similar to somebody else I knew, but something about that sentence had me back at Fort Huachuca in an instant.

As I rounded the corner of that intersection, only a fraction of a second after hearing the words, I was already in a panic.  I was shaking and terrified.  Immediately I pulled over into the Smith’s parking near the same corner.   I spent 20 minutes there just trying to breath; to relax; to convince myself that I WAS safe.  It was as long a 20 minutes as I’ve had in quite a while.

I texted Julie, only telling her that I wish she had come because I was feeling “some anxiety.”  I had thought about telling her to grab Blake (her father) and coming to pick me up.  I was in really bad shape, but I didn’t do that because I didn’t want to reveal to Blake/Joan how bad I was doing.  (Yes, I see the irony of that decision and then sharing it here on the blog.)

Ongoing Issues

The only reason I relate this to the shooting at all is that during the episode I kept hearing the gunshots ringing in my ears.  They’re probably unrelated.

I eventually convinced myself I WAS safe and calmed down.  I made it home just fine.  That was Saturday night.  Sunday was… difficult.  No full blown meltdown at church like I’ve done before, but periods of it were difficult to get through.

Monday was… fine.  Julie has spent several days trying to coax me to talk.  But I don’t know what to say to her.  She can tell I haven’t been well. Nightmares, as expected, have been worse than normal.

Today, Tuesday, wasn’t a great day either.  This morning, still on edge and dealing poorly with the stress, I got a phone call from the insurance which didn’t help (I’ll write more about that in another post).  That was while on the way to my parents to do some work again today.

No work took place though.  While discussing what needed to be done my Dad made some fairly benign comments directed at me that set me off.  I didn’t want to blow up so I just left.  I stood, said I couldn’t handle it today, and left.  Julie tried to stop me saying Dad was just joking.  I said I was leaving and if she wanted a ride home she better get in the car too.  A few minutes later we were on the road back home.

Family is great… but everyone needs a friend!

So here I sit feeling like a grade A loser unable to control his emotions.  I feel like I’m just barely hanging on.   I wish desperately I had a friend to call.  The one and only good friend I feel like I’ve had since my discharge is now way back in Missouri, possibly never to be seen again.  A while back he suggested I get out there and meet people, saying I’m a great guy and will find friends.

Despite feeling like I’ve tried doing that, it hasn’t happened yet.  Everybody else at my stage in life seems to already be set in stone with work, schedules, friends, family.  Nobody has time/room in their life for a needy, broken vet.  I can’t blame them.  I wouldn’t really want to hang out with a depressing mental case either.

I’m desperately missing Joshua, who is at Scout Camp this week.  With him here I could find a reason to get out of the house at least and go help him practice some basketball or golf.

Don’t panic… I know I’m loved.

I know Julie loves me, and so do the kids.  And my parents.  I know that.  I know I can talk to them (despite what happened with my Dad today).  I’m sure I could probably reach a church leader or two.   I know there are people to talk with, even if it is only because of their calling, but I wish I had even one good friend as well who I could call up and get together with.

And I wish I could stop all this damn crying!