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An Exhausting Week

Life is exhausting.

Nothing out of the ordinary this week, just life being life.  But I’m beat!

We do have internet now at my parents place, so that’s good.  We now have access to the outside world.

The kids are all in school and doing fine.  We are getting into the swing of things here and are making adjustments to make things easier.

We still only have one shower for the 12 people living here.  That will be a construction priority as soon as we find time to do some construction again.

After the kids left for school, Julie and I worked today on the parking situation.  We got the pile of green waste picked up off of the driveway, moved the swamp cooler, pulled the tractor out into the field, moved a pile of pallets, moved 2 boats away, loaded up a trailer full of trash, and swept the entire parking area.  5 hours of work later and we can now park by the garages again!  Hopefully the motorhome will be moved soon to make it even easier.

I’m toying with the idea that Julie is a futuristic cyborg with a limitless energy supply.   That woman never stops and I don’t feel like I get to either.   She can go forever, but I desperately need some down time!  Life is exhausting!

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Death and Divorce: Viable Options

When I was a Realtor I always considered it my primary task to remove as much stress from my clients as I possibly could.  Why?  Because studies showed that moving created stress near the levels of having a loved one die, or going through a divorce.

I think Julie would have happily taken either of those options yesterday.  Instead, she got to move into her “In-Laws” house (cue creepy horror music).

Stressed Out

It was not nearly as hard for her to move into her parents house.  It was a house she was familiar with, it was her parents instead of mine, and mostly because she knew it was a temporary home.

This time things are different.  This time the house is new to her.  She hasn’t lived here before, she doesn’t have a history of where things have been located in the house, she doesn’t have childhood memories there, there isn’t as much finished space, and other such reasons make this much harder emotionally for her.

And the owners of the house are new.  The household ‘norms’ are different.  She is trying to be more cautious about ‘stepping on toes’ since she hasn’t lived with my parents before.  She’s feeling very self-conscious about changing the way things have been done before, in a house she doesn’t feel is “hers” yet.  She doesn’t want to hurt feelings and has to think about more than she did while living with her parents.

And this is a permanent move.  Rather than going to her parents just temporarily and knowing she’ll get out of there again, she knows this move is not. That she won’t be leaving here anytime soon.   That is hard.  This isn’t where we ‘want’ to be.  If we had a magic wand to wave and choose where to live, it wouldn’t be here.   We’re here because of circumstances; not because it is our lifelong dream to move in with my parents (Sorry Mom).

The knowledge that this is a permanent (or at least very long term) is stressful, especially for Julie.  It’s not easy on me, but I feel really terribly bad for my sweetheart.

“It’s Fine”

We have a running joke where when we aren’t really happy about something we just tell each other “It’s fine! It’s fine!” with a  certain emphasis that tells the other that we’re jokingly not thrilled.   Julie keeps telling me that “It’s fine’ but without that emphasis.

She says it’s fine, but she is lying.  I caught her crying yesterday while trying to move in.  The stress of trying to organize ourselves into a house with people already living in it was winning the day.   I held her and told her things would get better.  That little by little it will feel more like home, and that she is welcome to make it her home.

And today is a better day.  She is more carefree and happy.  It’s will be a roller coaster of ups and downs, but I’m sure it will trend toward happiness.

She really will be fine.  She is amazingly strong and resilient.  And she’s been through worse.   Afterall, she did move me into an unfinished home, in December, with no insulation, no internal plumbing, no walls, no electricity, and no flooring (concrete and plywood was all), and she considers it a great memory.

We’ll be fine and things will work out.  Hopefully without the Death and Divorce involved.

But if you see Julie, and feel inclined, please pass on your encouragement and love.   She might need them more than usual over the next few weeks.

And please forgive her if I’m wrong and she strangles me in my sleep.  Even I would understand!   🙂

 

 

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A Genuine Smile

Bluffdale 1st Ward

The Jensens attended church today with the Bluffdale 1st ward.  That is the ward that I grew up in and will be attending again once we move.  It was quite nice to see the large number of people that are still there from when I was a little boy.

We attended there today (and hopefully will often) so that the kids can try to make some friends before school starts.  It would be nice for them to already know people on their first day so that they can fit in just a little bit easier.  So we took the drive from PG to Bluffdale so that they could have that opportunity.

I am sure that only a few know we are moving in, and fewer knew we would be attending services with them today.   So they were not expecting us.  That set the stage for two nice experiences for me (or perhaps for the same nice experiment twice?).

A Genuine Smile

Twice today, I passed someone who was an adult in the ward while I was growing up, and I said, “Hello ______” and called them by their first name.  Both times this person replied, “Hello” in a kind but unfamiliar way and started to move on.  But when I extended my hand to shake, they took a moment and really looked at me.

Both of these fine gentlemen then flashed a genuine smile and said something close to “Oh! Hi Richard.  It’s so good to see you. How have you been?”   While they were polite and cordial with me when they thought we were strangers, when they realized that they knew me, their behavior changed to reflect genuine affection.

Rarity

This was a rarity for me.  The only time I ever get that kind of ‘brotherly kindness’ shown to me from someone outside my household is one particular saint of a man in Missouri.  I don’t know if or when I’ll see him again.  And I am bereft of friends here in Utah.  So just this simple extension of recognition and a genuine smile felt good to someone for whom it rarely happens.

Since my Army days I’m more cantankerous and introverted.  I don’t expect to make many new friends (and all my efforts so far seem to have failed).   There isn’t a whole lot about me to like or to want to spend time with.  But these two men knew me before.  They knew me when I was young, healthy, and energetic.   I’d like to think they remember me as someone who smiled and was outgoing, instead of someone who grimaced or scowled.  They know me as I used to be; and how I would wish to be again someday.  They remember a version of me I like.  They were happy to see me, which isn’t something that ever happens to me any more.

So it was small and simple – a genuine smile.  By now they probably don’t even remember it and it probably meant nothing to them.  But the encounters were meaningful to me.  They uplifted me today.  And for that I am grateful.

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Dentist, CWAC and Wiring

Today started early!  That alarm at 6:30am was not welcome at all.  For a day crammed with dentist, wiring, and a pitbull, I would have preferred more sleep.  I’m firmly of the opinion that the world shouldn’t exist at that time.  Alas…

Dentist

The reason for the early morning was Joshua’s 8am dentist appointment for a temporary crown.  This was compounded by the fact that the dentist is in Riverton, a 30 or so minute drive from Pleasant Grove.

Leaving the rest of the family home, Julie, Joshua, and I left at 7am for my parents place in Bluffdale.   There Julie and Joshua jumped into my parents car and headed to the appointment.  This was fine with my parents as they sleep late into the day (we often wake them up well after 10am to start working.)

Josh received his temporary crown and has an appointment for the permanent one in a few weeks.  The temp one though was given with instructions to not eat any apples… poor kid might starve!

Errands

I left as soon as I dropped them off in Bluffdale and headed toward SLC.  I must have been ahead of the worst of traffic because I made it with a lot of time to spare before my group session.   So I ran quite a few errands.

First stop was Home Depot to get the supplies that we needed to complete a handful of tasks.  This included the can lights so we can finish the wiring, and a few odd plumbing pieces.

Next was the bank.  Their drive up window says it is open at 8:30 and I pulled in at precisely that time.  A woman was there who explained she got stuck in traffic and would need a 10 minutes or so to get up and running.  I took the time to fill up on gas across the street.   After cashing few checks I was off to the VA.

Dental Issues Again

With still 90 minutes until my session I was off to enrollment.  I had a few days prior called to schedule an appointment with VA Dental clinic but they declined to make me an appointment, saying I wasn’t eligible.  This was surprising to me because I was receiving dental care in Little Rock.

So I needed to visit enrollment to clarify my eligibility.  The guy at enrollment was awesome.  As soon as I explained what I needed he looked me up and sighed.  “Yes, you are clearly eligible.  Who did you talk to over there? Man or woman” I told him a guy.  “*sigh That’d be the guy you just moved from here over to that office.  I’ll get it straightened out.”  So he made a phone call (rather than making me do it) and politely corrected the person who answered that, yes, I did qualify for dental coverage, and made the appointment for me next week.

Good service from the VA?  I’m amazed!  Kudos to Jacob at the SLC VA Enrollment office!  You were great!!

With those miscellaneous errands done I was off to my group session.

Wiring

Because I was able to complete all of my errands before group, I had about 2.5 hours to kill before my CWAC meeting.   So I cruised back down to Bluffdale and helped Julie and Joshua who were expertly handling the wiring in the bedrooms.

They had it handled, but it moved faster with me there.  I have this magic ability to save time be being able to reach things in high places without moving around ladders or chairs.  Go me!  I also dropped of the cans that I had picked up earlier.  After I left with Josh to go to CWAC Julie was able to get some of those installed and wired as well.

If we get this house done by our “deadline” it will be entirely thanks to Julie’s hard work and skill.

Canines With A Cause

Today was my first CWAC meeting with dogs present.  Because I don’t have one of my own I was handling one of their dogs in training.  Today I was paired with Piper, a female black Pitbull who was a great joy to work with.

At this stage the meetings are NOT about training the dogs nearly as much as they are about training US, the handlers, how to deal with them.   We used clickers and chunks of hot dogs as treats to learn how to shape the animals behavior.

Just being around the dog helped my feel better.  It filled the void of losing Chief, my Great Pyrenees we had in MO.   I’ll be working with a different dog next week, but I don’t mind.  I’m just happy to be around one at all.  My mother in law absolutely won’t allow me to have one here at her house, so I can’t get one until we’ve moved anyway.  So I’ll gladly take what I can get now and anxiously look forward to moving and getting a dog of my own.

When that was done Josh and I jumped back into the van, picked up Julie, and headed home.  It was a hot and tiring day, with far too many miles, but it was productive.   Josh saw a dentist. My meetings went well.  I have an appointment with a dentist. Julie got a lot of wiring done.  Dad was able to get a lot of the plumbing done.  The sheet rocker visited and got us in his schedule.  Hopefully we can string a lot of these type days together … minus the heat!

 

 

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Health Update

I thought since I’ve posted quite a few times about health issues that I should give an update.

Weight Loss Attempt

The goal continues.   Since we started really working on my parents place we stopped the morning veggie drink in the interest of time; and I’ve only been mediocre on the self control after 8pm.

As such, I haven’t lost a ton of weight.  But I have lost some.  Depending on how I stand on a notoriously unreliable scale it is possible that I’m under 300lbs.  Lean a little one way and I’m under, lean a little the other and I’m not.  But I think I am down at least a few pounds from the 310 I was a few months ago.

I think that loss is almost exclusively to the pool time almost every afternoon AND spending 4-6 hours a day in a 100F room building walls and such.  Together the sweat box and the swimming hole have done me a little good!

Numb Hand

The numbness in my hand is still there unfortunately.  The medical info that I read about says it should take a few weeks to go away if I take care of it.  And since I still spend too much time at the computer (the activity I think is responsible because of how I rest my arm on the edge of the desk) I’m not sure when it will go away.

The numbness is one of the reasons I haven’t been posting as much lately.  I’ve been trying to not sit here too often.

Mental Health

I’m still a nutcase!  That might always be true, but I’m trying to deal with it better than I have in the past.  I’m still going to my weekly VA appointments and meeting with the counsellor.

I’ve also started the Canines With A Cause classes.  Those are once a week and in the primary stage that I’m in now it is mostly learning how to train your dog; basic canine psychology and such.  They will hopefully be able to find me a good dog to adopt.  If not then I’ll have to find one myself at some point.  (If any of you would like to donate a dog to me, I’d be thrilled and highly appreciative!).

Back/Headaches

I hurt like crazy all the time.  I’m sure I’m taking more Ibuprofren than is good for me, but since I need a home to live in permanently I need to keep going.  There have been a few mornings where the headaches were so bad that I was vomiting, but only a few.

My back is holding out okay.  It hurts, and I’m only able to do about 30 minutes of real labor each day.  Thankfully I’m able to use Julie, Caitlin, and Joshua to largely do the things that need to be done by just being near by and directing them.   There aren’t really too many things that need someone big and strong to do.  So it’s slow, but it’s coming along.  And my back does what it must in order to keep going.

Hopefully we can get through this without a complete physical (or mental) breakdown again.