The biggest issue with having a mental health problem/issue is that nobody can see it.  Same with various diseases, disorders, or conditions.  They aren’t visible.  This creates some service dog issues.

Service Dog Issues

I took Iris with me to church again on Sunday.  She was as calm and well-behaved as the first Sunday at church.  Iris is a good dog and created no problems.  She did create some confusion however.

Several people who weren’t present when I introduced her as my service dog on the first Sunday came up to meet her.   This is perfectly acceptable to me because I would like everyone at church to be comfortable with her.  But because these people hadn’t heard me introduce her as MY service dog, several of them asked, “Are you training her?”   I politely responded, “Actually she is MY service dog.”

This brought about several confused looks.  They didn’t say it, because they were too polite to pry, but they looks clearly stated, “Why do you need a service dog?”

I’m not blind, and I don’t have any missing limbs.  I didn’t even have my cane with me this week.  So as far as they could tell visually there was no reason for me to need a service dog.  The looks clearly conveyed their confusion.

Totally Normal Reaction

This reaction is totally normal.  If any of these people happen to read this I don’t want them to think I’m being critical.  They share the most common reaction and belief about mental health issues like PTSD.  They did nothing wrong and are still wonderful people.

But that common belief/paradigm is that only physical problems are disabling; that a person who can walk around just fine doesn’t need a service animal.  The mental health issues that disable so many are not accounted for, OR are dismissed as not really being a cause of disability.

Many unseen conditions are disabling, including mental health issues.  But if those issues can’t be seen it is hard for people to take them into account.  I understand that, and think it is perfectly normal.  I was that way once because it was beyond my experiences.

But that does lead to the type of situation I described at church.  It has happened other places as well.

Changing Paradigms?

That paradigm (that if you don’t have a physical problem then you don’t have a disability) is so common though that it creates another service dog issue as well.  How do I convince people, change their paradigm, that I need a service dog when they can’t see anything wrong with me?

As I described in my post about Iris, she isn’t a pet.  She is a service dog.  I only have her because a medically trained professional gave me a “prescription” of a service animal for my PTSD.  Then I took that “prescription” to CWAC who provided me with a dog much like a pharmacist would provide you with your medication.  I don’t have her with me because she is fun to be around (though she is), I keep her because she is medically helpful.

With new acquaintances this isn’t much of an issue.  I tell them I have PTSD and some accompanying issues, and they just accept it as true.  It isn’t a matter of debate because they’ve never known differently.

However, this is hard for people to see and grasp when they are someone I’ve known for some time, like family or friends, and especially since Julie and I do our best to downplay my maladies.  Like most people, we tell people I’m fine and things are going well and we act like everything is great.  Nobody wants to be (or be around) a whiner who complains about their life all the time.  So it is easy for those who’ve known me for some time to think that there is no need for a service dog, because “he’s been doing just fine without one for years.”

Medical Need

But in reality I haven’t been.  They don’t see it (it’s not a visual thing unless you catch me in the middle of a panic attack) and we don’t tell them about it.  So how would they know?  It isn’t their fault.  When asked, “how are you?” would you really respond, “I feel like I’m trapped,  am miserably depressed, and have been having panic attacks all weekend?”  Me neither!  And so nobody really knows how any one else is doing because we all constantly lie about it.

Hopefully nobody ever has to witness Iris pulling me from a location because I’m having a panic attack.  And I really hope they don’t witness her waking me from nightmares while I sleep (don’t really want them in my bedroom and all).

So when those more physical aids are never witnessed, how do I get people, particularly family, to see that a service dog is a need, and not just a whim?

The REAL Issue

A couple on Julie’s side of the family likes to invite us over regularly for social events.  The husband though doesn’t like dogs and has been bitten by them several times.  He doesn’t want a dog in his house under any circumstances.  I completely and totally understand that.  But I now have a service dog, that I’ve been waiting months to get, that I now take with me wherever I go.  So there is an issue brewing.

How do we reconcile these things? He hates dogs, and I take mine everywhere.   I don’t want to leave the dog behind and he doesn’t want to allow it in his home.  So do we just never visit them again?  Do we have to plan events at public parks or use church buildings?

His wish to not have the dog around is totally within his rights, is understandable, and I’m willing to honor it.  But that means I don’t go visit.  That isn’t okay with Julie though.  She wants me to be there and be involved, but that means I bring the dog and he won’t allow it.

Connection

In my mind, this relates to the paradigm I talked about above  because I don’t think he’d refuse the dog if he thought it was medically necessary.  For example,  if I were blind I don’t think he’d refuse me a seeing-eye dog, because I think he’d view that as a medical need.   I don’t think he’d refuse any other medically prescribed item either, like medication or a prosthetic limb if I had one.

But a service dog for PTSD isn’t a medical issue to him (both of them maybe?) because we tell them everything is okay, and because mental health problems don’t present with a body deformity.

Choices

What compromises would you make?  I can’t leave the dog home alone, but I’m not allowed to take it into their house.  We’ve been invited there this Sunday.  Last time this meant that I sat in the car the entire evening alone with the dog.  I’m not mad about it, but it did make Julie and this other spouse cry apparently.

Am I unreasonable to want to keep the dog by me?  Is he unreasonable for not allowing a service dog in his home?  Is it unreasonable for us both to stand firm and I just don’t visit any more?

Again, I’m happy to honor their wishes of not bringing the dog into their home, but that means that I don’t go either.  And that makes Julie upset, which I’m not nearly as happy about.

What would you do?  What would be a reasonable course of action?