Jax and I have been discussing where our journey is going to lead us. I’m not overly thrilled with our options. But as I have taken the day to mull things over I have come to this understanding. Sometimes we have to do things we may not want to do in order to attain the things we want.
For example, if I want to lose weight, I will probably need to diet in one form or another. Now I can make the best of that diet by choosing a diet that will fit my lifestyle. But I will need to make changes in my diet if I want changes to occur on my waistline. If I want to be able to run a marathon or climb Mount Everest, I will have to train every day. I can’t just wake up in the morning and expect to do great physical feats. I have to work hard, work through sore muscles, work when I don’t want to.
My aunt tells a story of going listening to a concert pianist with whom she had grown up with. She talks of how effortless his performance seemed as his hand glided across the keys. While talking to him afterwards, she casually said, “I would give my right arm to play like that.” His response has stayed with her through the years. “Would you? Would you really? Because that’s what it takes. That is what I did.” While other children were running and playing in the streets, he chose to practice the piano. While other boys were playing baseball his hands were learning how to make music. He knew what he wanted and he did everything he could to attain that goal.
So as I sit here in limbo trying to weigh my options I have decided that I need to decide what it is that I really want. What do I want in five or ten years? Is it a house, a farm, a boat? For me, those things are secondary. What I want, is a happy and whole family. I want a husband who may have scars but whose wounds have healed. I want children who are happy and productive.
They should understand that they can do hard things. They can reach any goal they set for themselves. I want them to learn that even when life throws you a curve ball, you still have options. You can smash it out of the park. You can hit it and bide your time on first base. Even if you try with all your might, you might strike out. But there will be other pitches, other times at bat, other games to win.
Sounds great. I want a happy little family. To some people that may sound like a very vague goal. But in my situation there are some very specific things that we must do to reach that goal. The first thing is to help Jax heal from the trials that are still plaguing his dreams and turning them into nightmares. We have other trials to heal from, some visible and some very personal. There are financial, physical, and emotional elements to consider.
That being said. As I weigh my options, I feel like I have a clearer view of my path. If I want Jax better then I need to live where he can get proper care. I will make the best of this curve ball… I’m going to smash this thing out of the park! And I will enjoy the journey as I go.
Julie,
This is so beautiful. I think we have all had things in life that happen and you just want to pout and fight it, thinking THIS IS NOT WHAT I HAD PLANNED!!! But you are so right that you have to focus on what is really important and make things work with what is available to you.
The ability of services to help Jax is greater here, not saying it is perfect, but there are more opportunities here than in AR or MO. Perhaps when all is said and done you will find there are other things along the way that make it obvious the reason for this not so fun situation you are in now 🙁
I am grateful you took the time to do some reflection and step back and reevaluate everything. We can’t change the situation but we can change how we handle the situation, though it is way easier to type or say that then do it haha
Tears running down my cheeks! Julie, life throws us all wammies. I have had my share: Mother became bed riden when I was 10, she died when I was 12. I was the only girl in our family, so I became the cook, laundry woman, and cleaning lady at age 12. Been through two divorces, a house fire/burned, and two knee replacements. But I have 4 sweet children and 9 grandchildren; and 9 more with my step-children. Family is what our lives are all about. We ride the tide as it ebbs and flows. We learn our lessons that we came to Earth to learn. We handle woes as well as joys. We SURVIVE. We CAN’T complain, we are so blessed in America and our knowledge of the Gospel. Things will work out and the Growth your family has had this year will lead you to another place both physically and spiritually. May Heavenly Father watch over you, Jax and children. Just remember: you are Children of God. That is my rod and staff. Bless you. Love, Lynne