Update After My Hiatus

I’ve been on a hiatus and think I should give an update on life. With nothing really going on I just haven’t found anything to write about. Of course things have happened, but they all seem so small and insignificant at the time that they don’t seem worth mentioning. It is only in the accumulation of seemingly insignificant changes that the scope of the change becomes apparent.

HOUSE PROJECT UPDATE

Things aren’t moving as quickly as I’d like, but they are moving about as quickly as they could possibly move. We finished the wiring/plumbing/etc last week; HVAC was installed last week, and the sheetrock was hung this week. The sheetrock mudders will be in on Monday. By the end of the week we should be able to paint.

While the sheetrock was going up this week we were working on the deck that is going out the south side of the great room (going to have to stop calling it that because now it is a collection of small rooms that are no greater than any other rooms). We have the supports up and joists up. We don’t have any decking or railing on yet. That might happen this week while the mudders have us out of the place again this week.

As soon as we can get back in we will paint just as quickly as possible and then get to finishing the bathroom and working on flooring.

I will try to get some video edited of what the space looks like out to you soon!

MISSOURI/FINANCES UPDATE

We have accepted (grudgingly) that we won’t be moving back to MO anytime soon. This is sad. We don’t want to lose the property though just in case we ever do find a way to get back there.

Even though we are way under water on the mortgage for a house that no longer exists, we have still been making the payments. I’ve tried reaching the bank to see if we can work something out but they refuse to speak to me. If nothing else I’d like to get approval to lower my payments since there is no insurance on the property (why would there be?) and the taxes are going to be MUCH lower now with no home.

We have sold our cattle. They have been at a neighbors house since the fire and he took care of them over the winter. I had him haul them to auction this week and should get a check for them soon. That will help out a lot of things!

We haven’t decided how/when we are going to collect the rest of our things. I think it is feasible to have everything loaded into my storage unit and then ship the entire thing here to Utah, but I don’t have a good way of getting it all loaded. I could ask friends/neighbors to do it for me, but that seems like a big ask. Maybe my Dad goes back and does it with help. May I have to do it? Still undecided.

FAMILY UPDATE

Everyone is fine. Caitlin (15) and Joshua (13) had birthdays. Everyone is healthy and enjoying the summer. They’d like to not be working at my parents so much, but it hasn’t been bad. With frequent (near daily) trips to the pool or the new splash pad in Bluffdale they are all getting out a lot. They’ve done some hiking and sports too.

I think everyone is apprehensive about the move. We know my parents place won’t be done. We only have 2 weeks from today, so I don’t even know what state of cleanliness it will be in. But school is starting, so we will move in regardless and make the best of it. Maybe with school starting it will help make things easier for Julie and I to get things into a more livable condition.

VA/MENTAL HEALTH UPDATE

I’m surviving. I’m still going to all my regular appointments (several a week) and getting by.

I have started and completed the beginners portion of Canines with a Cause. I still don’t have my own dog but have been working with their dogs. The first part of the intermediate class that begins in a few weeks will be looking for my own dog. The timing is working out fine since I couldn’t have my own here at the Penrod’s, but can have one as soon as we move. This will go a LONG way to helping my anxiety and will hopefully be beneficial in dealing with nightmares too.

Julie is still crazy!

EXERCISE/HEALTH UPDATE

You haven’t seen any running logs since the pool opened because we stopped running. We have instead been swimming. I have the kids do laps each time we show up to keep them doing some cardio, then they are free to go play (which rarely includes actual swimming).

My exercise has been fine, but hasn’t resulted in any weight loss. I think it has trimmed up my waist a little bit (several people have mentioned it), but my actual weight hasn’t gone down. Perhaps with time.

28 June 2017

Insurance Update:

I promised an insurance update last week and never got to it. I can’t say I’m much more prepared this week to do it either. My mental state just isn’t good I’m afraid.

Insurance Update:

But just so you don’t feel like I’ve left you hanging, we have officially been denied coverage for the fire. Maybe later this week or next I’ll be able to write about what this means and what we plan to do. Thanks for understanding the lack of info at this time.

13 May 2017

Getting Antsy

An Unfulfilled Plan

Julie and I have been all sorts of antsy to get started on the remodel of my parents house. After 6 months of being in limbo it has been great to finally make a plan. Being unable to execute that plan though has been nigh unbearable. It’s like being on the starting line of a race, you’re told to get on your mark and get ready, but nobody ever yells “Go!”

I can’t even say for sure that we’re ready. I don’t know that we know for sure what to do first, or if my parents have any set-in-stone plans. I’m sure that time is going to fly by this summer, so we probably should have hashed some of that out already. C’est la Vie.

What to do next

We have been having discussions about what to do next. We need to make arrangements to get the rest of our stuff from Missouri out here to Utah. Things that aren’t coming to Utah need to be sold, like our livestock and probably the tractor.

I did go to the high school and middle school and registered both Caitlin and Joshua for school next year (another post on this later). At some point we’ll have to see about getting new UT paperwork (Drivers Licenses, car registration, etc). I hope that can wait awhile though.

Mostly though, things haven’t changed since we made the decision to stay in Utah. I keep going to VA appointments 2x a week. Julie keeps the kids alive and doing well in school. The difference now is that we feel good about having a plan, and antsy about getting started on it.

I’m going to try to add a picture to the end of each post from now on so that you can see us. I’m sure the pics will be more appreciated than my words anyway!

5 May 2017

Flooding in Missouri and Arkansas

My heart has been breaking as I watch the news reports about the flooding in Southern MO. I’ve seen so many pictures of devastation that I’ve been in constant prayer for the people there.

Photo by Eugene Dobson – Taken In Shannon County MO

Thankfully the loss of life has been very minimal. Damage to things is repairable. Restoring life is still beyond modern medicine though. I’m so grateful that nobody I know is permanently gone.

Thomasville, MO

Thomasville is in the north end of our county. I talked to a friend on the phone last night who lives near Thomasville, MO. He said that town is just simply gone. He said all but two homes have been washed away or been made uninhabitable. The waters either moved them off of foundations or washed them away completely. The town just simply vanished in many respects.

My friend turned out luckier than most. He only had about 9 of his cows washed away, along with some trailers. He hasn’t been home in a few days because he can’t get there! As tragic as that might sound to some, he was extremely grateful that it wasn’t worse. This same friend has been watching my cows for me while I’m in Utah. I feel terrible that he lost so many of his but that all of mine apparently survived.

Pocahontas, AR

The city of Pocahontas in Northern Arkansas is still under water. I drove through this town at least once a week for over a year. It was beautiful and friendly. It is still underwater days later because of levee breaches on the Black River. This water has no place to drain to because it isn’t in the flow of the river. The flooding is going to do extensive damage because the water can’t move down stream. Heartbreaking.

Flooding in No AR — Pocahontas AR under water

West Plains, MO

This was the closest “large” town near Julie and I. This is where our church house was located, and were the cultural events were held (sporting events, etc). The photos of this town underwater were amazing (in the negative way).

The most shocking of them to me was seeing the highway lined with lumber from one of the nearby lumber yards that had simply floated away. I’m not talking about a few boards, but entire bundles of lumber that you would need a forklift to move.

Countless photos have been shared showing flooding over roads, flooded parking lots, and damaged infrastructure. I can’t recall any water source near the high school… but the track was washed out. Entire shopping complexes underwater. Bridges gone, roads gone, homes gone. The flooding was indiscriminate in its destruction.

Feeling Helpless

Where our home stood we were well above any flood waters. If we were there I’d have access to my tractor, chainsaw, chains, and such and could be helping the people of my community (all the same people who helped us) clean up the mess. But here I sit in Utah unable to do much.

I know that Alton Bank has an account opened to help the people of Thomasville. If any of you reading this are inclined, you could contact them and make a donation. I’m sure there are others for people in West Plains and Pocahontas that I don’t know about.

I know I’m broken and can’t do much. But I wish I were there to help do what I could. The people in this area of the world are among the best I have ever met. I’m heartbroken seeing their loss. I would have said seeing their suffering, but they are a good people full of faith and a strong sense of community… if there is suffering, I’m sure that it won’t last long. They know how to overcome that. And I am sure that they will.

but Maybe not totally Helpless…

I may not be totally helpless though. I do have an entire cow and an entire pig that have been slaughtered and stored by friends for us. If any of you know of anyone hurt by the flooding, someone in need of food, let me know. If your group/church/club is having a fundraiser and would like meat donated, let me know. Soup kitchen, food bank, etc. I have an entire beef and pork that I can donate.

But because I’m not there I don’t know where to donate them… so if you know of needs, please, please let me know. I want to help if I can. I’ve made the same offer to my church leaders in West Plains, so first come first serve I guess. If you know of some good use this meat can be used for, please pass on the info and I’ll do what I can from across the country to make it happen.

God bless you all, and especially those affected by these floods. I miss you all and have had you in my prayers!

2 May 20171 May 2017

Update: Our Immediate Plans

Julie and I are very happy to announce that we have made some plans for our future. There is still a lot of info we don’t have, and so nothing long-term is settled, but we’ve decided we’ll expect the worse, use it as a starting point, and plan from there. At this point though, even being able to make one decision about the future seems like an extraordinary event. So I apologize in advance if this announcement seems small to you… it isn’t to us!

This Summer

After my parents complete their celebration of their 50th wedding anniversary in May, a major remodel of their home will begin. The purpose of this remodel will be to make the necessary improvements and repairs for our family of 10 to move in sometime before next school year begins (late Aug or Sept?).

You read that right, Julie and I will be moving into my parents home in Utah and are planning on living there indefinitely. This will give us plenty of time to figure out where we are in the other aspects of our lives. The hardest part about this is going to be telling all of our friends back in MO that we aren’t coming back. We’ve longingly looked forward to going back there from the moment we landed here.

Mental health care

The biggest reason for staying here in the SLC area instead of heading back to the farm is so that I can continue receiving the VA care here that I just wasn’t getting back in MO or AR. If I’m going to ever complete my journey for mental wellness I need to get some professional help. I’ve been getting that here. And seeing what I have available here, compared to what I was receiving, makes it clear that what I was getting, wasn’t nearly what I needed.

I know that with PTSD and other mental health issues that there isn’t a “cure” – no person has told me I can be cured – but that they can help me to overcome the symptoms and to live a more normal and less stress-filled life. So we’ll stay here until we think that I’ve reached a level of success that we are comfortable with.

We anticipate this will be a matter of years. There is no test to determine when this is “done.” It’s something we can’t put a date on for completion; maybe it’ll be decades. Going through the Canines With A Cause course is anticipated to take about 2 years to complete, so it would be at least that long, and probably much longer. We’ll stay as long as it takes.

Finances

Our financial situation was another important aspect of this decision. Due to the huge financial blow that losing the house was, we aren’t in a position to rebuild on the farm right now anyway. Even if the insurance reverses course and covers us though, we still have made the mental health treatments our first priority, and would just hold those funds until we are ready to go back.

We just don’t have the funds to cover both a rental here AND to cover the mortgage. The house in MO doesn’t exist, but we are still paying for it. Our only income is my VA disability. There is just no way to live on that VA income if we have to pay for rent and a mortgage. There’s not enough left over to live on. I’ve covered that in this post. Moving in with my parents eliminates that need for rent. Really, from a financial aspect, this is our only option. Thankfully it is one we can live with.

2-5 Year Plan

This is where it gets harder to discern the future. We don’t know when/if I’ll ever be better, so making plans is difficult. Caitlin and Joshua will graduate high school here if we stay that long. JR will be old enough for Kindergarten in that time. If we’re here that long though Julie will finally be able to pick fruit off of a tree she’s planted! That would be nice!

We’ve planted 40+ fruit trees and never picked a piece of fruit!

I would still like to plan on moving us to a sail boat at some point. Those plans are obviously hard to make though. Maybe that’ll be in the 10 year range for planning?? I started following about 4 blogs from people who have done it though. I’ll continue to read those and keep dreaming and making plans. I’ll also keep updating this blog, if for no other reason than to document our activities for our kids.

Somewhere along the line either I’ll get well enough to find work, or Julie will need to. VA income alone will never be enough to rebuild with (or purchase a boat). No matter what we do we are certain it will involve a good amount of juggling and compromise.

Additional Benefits

My parents are thrilled with the idea of us moving in. They’ve been asking us to do it for years. One of the main reasons they like the idea is that they like to travel. They would often spend months at a time with us in MO or AR. Eventually they would have to leave though because something needed to be done at the house. With us living there, they can now travel and not worry about how the house is fairing. They will travel when they want and come home to see the grandkids when they want. They make it sound like they will basically turn the house over to us and will come visit occasionally.

Moving in with them also gives us access to their 2.5 acres. That is enough land for us to have another milk cow. We won’t ship Lady across the country, but will find a mini-jersey here for us. We can also garden and plant fruit trees (again). I think we can have chickens too. All of these will help with the financial burden we are expecting. The farm-style life we love is still accessible.

I can also pursue the service dog that I was hoping to get from Canines With A Cause. We think that will be a big asset in my path to mental wellness. And since our plans begin with my becoming well, we’re looking forward to that.

And of course I couldn’t give a list of benefits without mentioning being close to family. We’ll obviously be close to my parents. But additionally, almost all of our family still lives along the Wasatch Front. My only sibling lives here, and all but one of Julie’s does too. We might be able to make it to a family reunion for the first time in quite a while 🙂

The Take Away

Our plans are malleable. We could beat them into any shape we choose. We aren’t thrilled that this is basically our only viable option (but we are thrilled that our only option happens to be a good one). Returning to our uber-supportive friends in MO would be awesome, but because of the care I’m receiving here, it just seems foolish to leave when receiving that treatment is our first priority.

I’m not going to give up on sailing, and Julie will not give up on the farm. As soon as we feel like I am closer to being … normal (we can’t say “cured”) … we will think about making plans to move on. If we happen to have enough funds available to think about life aboard a boat, then perhaps we’ll make it happen. If not, then the farm might beckon as well.

So stay tuned… hopefully a whole world of adventure still lies ahead!